


Pandemonium

by DarkHorseAsh



Series: Neurodiverse/Mentally Ill Critical Role Oneshots [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: The Search For Grog, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Neurodiversity, Overstimulation, Pandemonium (Chapter 1), Panic Attacks, Percy is not Ok, Percy needs hugs, Psychological Trauma, Team as Family, Vax'ildan lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 19:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHorseAsh/pseuds/DarkHorseAsh
Summary: In a place that is made to be horrific and loud enough that it's effectively all you can hear, Percy is not doing well.  The twins make do as best they can.  (Vax lives, because I refuse to kill him off).





	Pandemonium

Looking back, they definitely should have predicted it.  Pandemonium sounded….bad, like a combination of the worst, most insane bits of the world thrown into one plane of existence and just left there to rot.  But at the time they had been so busy worrying about Grog and recovering mentally from what had been the hardest fight of their lives that they simply hadn’t had the time to worry about it.  Now, crouched over her friend’s shaking body, Keyleth was pretty sure that not worrying had been a terrible decision.

 

They had stepped forward, fully ready to be transported, and then his feet were on the ground and he was screaming.  He fell forward, hands striking the ground as he swung his head wildly left and right, nauseous and shaking from the experience of changing planes.  He couldn’t see, he couldn’t feel anything but the pain of sand pressing into his limbs, the screaming howls that tore into his mind. He was screaming and he wasn’t sure he was ever going to stop again.  

 

Vax wasn’t sure what was going on.  He landed on his feet, keeping his balance with apparent ease as he glanced around, half-elven eyes struggling to seek out the others.  He shouted, voice catching onto the wind until he can’t even hear his own words. He moves slowly, forcing himself to remain calm as he slams into the others.  “Vex.” He mutters in relief, wrapping a hand firmly around hers. Pike and Scanlan were pressed into each other as the wind threatened to blow them away but, as he scanned the surrounding area, Vax realized they had a Bigger Issue.  “Where are Kiki and Percy?” 

 

Keyleth’s sharp call of “here!” draws their attention, as she and Bertrand grab onto the twins to keep everyone in a group.  Pike and Scanlan have attached themselves as well, since the powerful winds were threatening to throw them away from the party.  They huddle together, glancing nervously around. It’s Vex who finally speaks up, as she shouts out “we have to find Percy.” 

 

It’s Vax who finds him.  They tie themselves together with rope around their waists, except for the Gnomes, who perch on Vex and Vax’s backs, because this could  _ not  _ turn into a three-person-finding search.  Vax is stumbling along when his foot hits something solid and fleshy and whimpering and…. “PERCY!”  

 

He can vaguely hear Scanlan running off, but he barely notices because his focus is entirely on the sobbing human in front of him.  “Percy!” Percy twitched, tears running down his cheeks. Both hands were pressed to his ears and his knees were pressed into his chest and he was  _ sobbing,  _ crying so loud that Vax and Scanlan could hear him over the screaming wind.  “Percy, it’s OK!” It was clear the man was way too far gone to hear them. Vax drops to his knees, causing Scanlan to spill over and land on the ground next to the human as he gathers Percy up in his arms.  Percy sobs, seemingly unaware of the arms holding him as Vax desperately tries to calm him. He can hear scanlan shouting, but he isn’t sure what the gnome is saying and then there is  _ nothing. _

  
  


He thinks he might still be screaming.  He can hear the howls in his ear, his own mind screaming aloud instead of just in the back of his mind.  He can hear his family’s cries, his own cries, his friend’s screams as they die under his hands. He can’t stop screaming, thrashing, desperately trying to get  _ away  _ because he doesn’t want to hear this anymore he doesn’t want to hear the death and the pain and the fear.  Something grasps at his upper arms and he can’t bring himself to care. And then, just as he fears he really is about to lose his mind listening to the vax in his head call him murderer until he can feel the blood on his own hands, everything goes blessedly quiet and all he can hear is his sobs.

 

Vax jerks his head up and stares at Scanlan, who just nods.  He gives Scanlan the most grateful look he can manage before turning to tighten his hold on Percy and focus on calming his brother.  The man was delirius, sobbing and clawing at his own arms and just  _ begging  _ them to end him, to make it  _ stop.   _ “Shhhhh”  Vax soothes rather frantically.  He wasn’t much of a soother, that was more his sister’s thing, but there had been many nights recently where he had held her or one of the others through nightmares, or when they’ve held  _ him  _ through nightmares that he would never admit he had in the day.  He tried to focus on that, tightening his grip on Percy as the man sobs.  “Percival, it’s ok. You didn’t hurt us, Percy, I’ve got you.” He soothes.  Percy whines, burying his head against Vax’s side and thrashing, but Vax just holds him tighter.  “No, no, stop fighting me Percival, I have you. Nobody is gonna hurt you.” 

 

Vax’ildan stands in front of him with a knife in the air.  “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you.” “You should” Percy whimpers, unable to fight down the waves of  _ pain  _ rolling through his mind.  “You should kill me I’m bad I hurt you all so many times I’m so sorry please, please make it stop.”  He begs, unable to stop the tears from falling. “Please.” 

 

Vax does the only thing he can think of and drops a hand, digging his fingers into the back of Percy’s shoulder.  He presses them as deep as he can into the cut he knows is still healing because Percy, sweet, stupid, self-hating Percy, hasn’t told the healers that he’s still hurt.  “I’m sorry.” Vax mutters as he digs his fingers deep into the wound. Percy lets out a sobbed gasp, freezing against Vax, who immediately pulls his fingers back from the wound.  “Hey, hey, easy. Easy. I have you, we’re ok, I promise.” He can’t hear him and Vax knows it, but he whispers it into Percy’s neck and prays he gets the point. Percy goes limp, seeming to understand even if he couldn’t truly hear Vax’s breathless plees, his body still shuttering with sobs.  “I’m sorry.” He whines into Vax’s neck. “I’m so sorry.” 

 

Scanlan clings to the end of the rope that he had had tied around Vax’s wrist, though he wasn’t sure that the figure even noticed he’d done it.  He scrambled forward, shouting out for Vex and Pike and Keyleth and even Bertrand. It took far too long for him to hear the returning shout of “SCANLAN!”  He reached them, finally, clinging to Vex as she grabbed him. He was shaking, his usual bravado fractured by the screaming winds that whispered death and destruction and  _ pain.   _ He had never felt so small as Vex scooped him up, glancing over to see that Keyleth had Pike on her back.  “Percy and Vax, this way.” He gasps out, panting from how hard he had run to find them. Vex’s face tightens for a moment, fear in her eyes, and then she nods and takes the rope.

 

Percy is still crying when they get there, but it’s softer.  Vax isn’t sure if Percy is calmer or if he’s just cried himself out to the point he’s too tired to do anything, but he’s pretty ok with it either way because Percy’s desperate pleading cries to kill him had damn near broken his heart.  Vex dropped to her knees on Percy’s other side, wrapping her arms tightly around Vax and Percy both. Vax tucked his face into her shoulder, feeling small arms wrap around his side as Pike moves to press her little hands to Percy. Scanlan is off to one side near Keyleth, and they’re...signing?  Vax blinks, unsure of when Scanlan had learned THAT particular skill, but shrugging and turning his attention back to holding Percy and his Sister close and trying to feel safe. 

 

It’s absolute hell trying to get through their mission to save Grog.  Percy is barely conscious when they realize they have to  _ move on,  _ have to get out of this bubble of silence and get to the tower and save their brother.  Vex and Vax prop him up between them, each throwing an arm around his waist. Percy didn’t fight them as they got him up, he just shifted a little, moaning something quiet and not understandable under his breath.  Keyleth attached a rope to each of their waists, tying them loosely together. Scanlan scrambles up onto her back, and Pike clambers up onto Vax. Vax shifts, carefully balancing to make sure he wouldn’t drop Percy or Pike.  

 

The moment they stepped out of the bubble of silence, Percy crumbled.  His legs buckled, so Vax and Vex had to haul him up and brace him on their shoulders to keep him vertical.  He was still  _ thin,  _ too thin, which at least meant he was easy to lug around.  Keyleth was leading, so Vax just went where the rope was telling him to go and hoped it was the right direction.  Percy whimpers, thrashing slightly between them, and Vax can’t help but feel like he is a horrifically awful person as he and his sister keep walking forward.  

 

They fight what Vax can only assume are howlers.  He gets to the end of the 10 feet of rope that separates him and Vex and freezes, before bringing his blade down and slicing through it like butter.  He stumbles towards the cave when he hears Keyleth’s shout, falling to his knees and gasping as the cave is sealed and the sound at least quiets. Percy is crying once again, shaking into his neck as Vax wraps both arms around the boy.  Vex presses to his other side, both holding the frail man between them as he babbles frantically into Vex’s shoulder. “Shhh, shhh, shhh.” Vex croons to the boy. “It’s ok, Freddy, we have you.” Vex tightens her grip, pressing her face into Percy’s neck.  Vax did the same on the other side, a pair of dark-haired heads framing one that was white far too young. 

 

Pike summons up food, passing it about.  Nobody is truly hungry but they’re injured and tired and they  _ need  _ it, so they force it down.  Pike and Scanlan are leaning against each other in a corner of the little cave, while Keyleth scratches Trinket and praises him for how well he was doing lugging Grog’s body around.  Bertrand was far more subdued than he had been before, sitting quietly off to one side and cleaning a sword. 

 

Percy was drifting.  He floated in and out of understanding, out of consciousness, vaguely aware of the strong arms that are dragging him, the hands cupping his thin body and holding him.  He couldn’t block out the screams of  _ murderer  _ and  _ torturer _ that the winds screamed into his bones.  He sobbed, wrapping his long arms around his upper body and tried to hold himself together as best he could.  He was only slightly aware of the food being pressed to his lips so he whined, turning his head away. 

 

They fight what he’s pretty sure might as well be a godling.  The creature’s roars drown out some of the background noise, the winds and the cries, but not enough.  He forces himself to keep moving, and even through his own exhausted panic he can feel  _ relief  _ when he sees Grog’s body surge up off of trinket.  The creature falls under his friend’s axe and he chokes down a sob of relief.  He feels wrung out and broken, slumping forward until strong half-elven hands wrap around his elbows.  “Easy, Freddie. You did good.” He could feel Vax’s breath on the back of his neck and he let himself lean into the grip.  “You did better than good, you did great. Let’s get you outta hear, hm?” A second pair of hands come to curl around him from the other side, and he can  _ feel  _ Vax relax as he lays eyes on his sister.  Vex presses a kiss into Percy’s forehead, and he leans into her.  “Yeah. Let’s get you home, Percival.” 

 

Later, once Grog has been lectured and they’ve all been healed, they help him up the stairs to his bed.  He’s still shaking slightly, tremors that rock his thin body as he leans on them and forces himself to allow them to help him.  “I do not like to be weak.” He mutters tiredly, head lolling onto Vax’s shoulder. Vex snorts on his other side and pulls him a little higher on her shoulder.  “You’re not weak, love. You’re many things, but never weak.” Percy hums, falling silent as the twins wrestled him up a flight of stairs and into his room. “Freddie, can we get you changed?”  Vax asked gently, running a hand through the pure white hair. Vex was effectively holding him up at this point, as the young human sagged against her. 

 

Percy hummed, shifting to look at Vax.  Vax looked...more honest than Percy had ever seen him, eyes wide with something close to worry.  “Freddie, I’m not gonna strip you without your express permission but your clothes are filthy and I don’t think you want to go in bed like that.”  Percy forces his brain to work, to listen, and so he dips his head in agreement. “Ok.” he mutters, voice slurring slightly. Vex and Vax work together at a speed that is frankly a little frightening as they get him out of his filthy, dust-covered clothes and into some loose pants and a nightshirt.  It’s clear from their movements that this is  _ not  _ the first time they’ve done this together and that sends a thrill up even Percy’s tired spine.  “Bedtime, Percy.” 

 

He settles down on the bed as Vex tosses his dirty clothes into a pile by the door.  And then they’re both moving towards the door and he realizes a moment too late that he’s making a frantic keening noise.  He doesn’t actually realize it until Vex turns, grabbing her brother’s wrist. Her eyes are wide with...concern? “Percival?”  She asks softly, approaching slowly. He  _ hates  _ himself for how he whimpers sharply and reaches for her, but he can’t shake the layer of  _ panic  _ that feels like it’s taken over his mind.  He can still hear the roaring winds and feel the sand and oh  _ god  _ he can’t breathe and

 

And there are hands on his face and a warm body pressing into each side of him.  He gasps, buries his head in the closest shoulder as he grasps for their hands. Vex is murmuring behind him, her hands working powerfully over his shivering muscles.  He whimpers, bites down on a gasp of pain as Vex works on his incredibly stiff back. “I’m sorry.” He whimpers, unable to stop thinking of the fact that he had all but left them to fend for themselves in that awful place.  Vex hums, resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s alright, Percival. You don’t have to always be strong for us, you know. I know you wish you could be, we all do. But you’re allowed to let us have you.” Vax shifts, using his long arms to rearrange them so Percy is laying tucked entirely between them.  “Close your eyes, Freddie. I’m not leaving and I am willing to bet my sister here isn’t, either. We’ve got you.” Percy hums, slumping forward and letting himself go slack, the quiet voices of the twins drowning out the still-present panic in his chest and filling that cold terror with a soft, hopeful warmth.  


End file.
